A Journey Through The Rain of Pennies Fibromyalgia often flairs up for no apparent reason. As the years go by more and more of the muscular system becomes affected until everything that is a muscle or muscle driven (whole body) becomes affected. I will have this 20 years next year and though I am glad I have persevered thru the years; days like today when I am 6 days into a flair and sore beyond reason, tired and weak make me question my sanity. It is honestly as if one if walking through a rain of pennies. My brain gets stuck in what is known as fibro fog. I continuously repeat, like rebooting an old computer, to keep my thoughts going and people think I am doing it to tell them a second or third time when I am trying so very hard just to keep the thought and build on it to get the sentence out right. My body is a throbbing reminder of every blow it ever took through life or the hands of another. Ever transmission I ever dropped across my chest, every engine I ever worked on that slipped on a chain and I tried to catch straining an arm or shoulder, every jack that slipped and caught me before hitting the breaker stands (a good scare I was always fatter than the stand was high), every fight, beating, stabbing, rape, and inch of life that was excess mileage rolls out, like torture in almost every fiber of my being. What is not right is not working very well. Suffering sometimes is a badge of honor, but often I am neither honorable or even dignified. I am short tempered sometimes. I say some crazy radical things that are often quirky fragmented thoughts. I think some odd crazy paranoid things & out they come. I drop everything. Then really have to struggle to pick or clean it up. It is hard to move around. (I swear to God I would get a dog to clean up and pick up just the stuff I drop - she would have a full time job and be an be as big as a barrel!) It is hard for normal folks to fathom. I always pray the Lord help me realize and keep me in away from loved ones, sometimes like yesterday it is necessary for me to be out. So I try hard to use humor if I must be out. Once I am 5 or 7 days into a flair - there is no use trying to use anything but closing the door until the flair passes. I call it "Not fit for human consumption." Sad, but so very true; It passes though and I get some better versions or life with this muscle syndrome/disease. The only things that really keeps me going. Is the love and friendship of my daughter: Beth Unbreakable McBride, My Dad: Steven McBride. I have life long family & friends: Melissa Rae Cotton-milan, Kayla Alexis Taylor, George Lee, Bobby Duncan, Randy Roedel, and his wife Gladys Roedel, these are just a few who are angels in my life. They make my life worth living despite all the pain and drama. They keep me smiling and learning! It is necessary to have that kind of support and often people with FS or CFS have so few who are supportive. Unseen disabilities often get the disabled person mistreated by well meaning family and friends - even medical staff. They are told everything from: "get over it already - to - you look well , maybe it is all in your head," as well as some excessively rude things. Can you be that angel in someone's life? (Do not be a floor mat don't be used ... be supportive, be kind, be thought provoking, teach not preach, a hand up - never a hand out. Encourage one to grow their pride and dignity by positive means - education, learning a trade, finding a purpose, anything that will build their spirit and help them find a life of contentment.) MJM
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