Today is the last of the first series of chemo. I will be glad to have this past me. June will begin the 12 back-to-back treatments. I am not sure how they will affect me or if I will able to function better with this more frequent – lighter dose chemo. The past 2 weeks have been painful as well as exhausting. I haven’t been able to accomplish much of anything due to brain fog. Brain fog is something I thought only came from Fibromyalgia. This brain fog is an affect of the chemo. It makes it hard to compose articles. I cannot focus on anything very long. I get confused easy. I can’t form my sentences the way I want to - from my brain to my mouth seems to get tangled easy. Cancer makes my throat sore and I have trouble swallowing, but!!! I keep the house clean! Lol! Just a little along will get you where you’re going. Slow but sure!
Today they’re combining the Dr. appointment with the chemo appointment. I was just too tired and weak to do three days a week at the clinic. So we’ve combined the Dr. consult Mondays with the actual chemo treatment on Tuesdays. And that just leaves me going on Tuesday and Wednesday. Hopefully the new schedule for the 12 series will be the same.
I received a wig yesterday May 19. A resource worker who is a cancer survivor had received it for herself and did not care for it but lovingly passed it on. It is frosted and a short cute cut and seems very becoming. Ever since the hair has been shaved off my head, I have wanted to put it up in a ponytail or comb it. Of course there is nothing there to comb or put up. It is funny how we train ourselves to do something every day without much thought. This was evident and witnessed by friends who picked on me lovingly about carrying a comb in my pocket, getting it out to comb my bald head. It has brought many loving laughs. I like to make people laugh, so I take it lightly, try hard too laugh at my silly stuff. It helps put us in a better frame of mind. Between the egg jokes about my head to the jokes about keeping abreast of the situation, and my own favorites that Nascar fan booby that is left and going left due to not having muscles reattached we try hard to make the day’s pass with a smile.
I almost cried over the wig. Cancer will steal your dignity – destroying your grace and self-image. It can beat you down in so many ways. Everyone copes with this in different ways. I first just did not look in the mirror, especially after the hair went. I made a vanity to do my makeup and other hygiene needs. I still did not put a mirror in. Denial is easier when one can’t see the issue. I use tiny makeup mirrors to do makeup. Now I have hair to comb – even if it isn’t on my noggin!
I want to thank everyone for their loving support. This blog is meant to help others, not cause controversy or issues. I think it is amazing anyone comes thru this without some damage emotionally. While the physical effects are inevitable and easily seen, the emotional effects are almost unseen exacting a lasting damage in a mental toll. Whether it is humor, prayer, (or ice cream and shopping) always realize you are not alone.